This is a few lines about how to negotiate feminist and LGBTQIA issues without being offensive. It’s not meant to be patronising or anything, it’s just because a lot of people recently, in particular some of my straight male friends, have asked me what is acceptable in terms of questions to ask and topics to raise LGBTQIA people and feminists. The following are some things to remember and bear in mind.
1. Firstly and most importantly: If you don’t mean any harm by it, it’s unlikely that your friend or the person you’re talking to will be offended. We’re used to all sorts of ridiculous questions being fired at us, as well as straightforward abuse, so if you are sympathetic to their feelings, it’s pretty much safe to assume that it’ll be fine.
2. LGBTQIA stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans (an umbrella term including transvestite, transgender, transsexual, and sometimes other words too), Queer (sometimes Questioning, as in questioning one’s sexuality or questioning one’s gender), Intersex, Asexual (a person not desiring sex with someone else). If I’ve missed any out give me a shout.
3. Queer is sometimes used as a term to cover all LGBTQI people. Not everyone defines as queer, however, as they may not like the old-fashioned connotations the word has. Personally, I love the word, in the same way that I love the word ‘bitch’ used as a positive, reclaimed word. Other times queer is used in the sense of a gender identity that does not conform with heteropatriarchal ideas.
4. Heteropatriarchy is one of the things that links the LGBTQIA and feminist movements. Not all feminists are lesbians, but a lot of feminists are sympathetic because we have a shared problem – a society that, we believe, treats straight as the norm and anything else as ‘other’ and that treats the male and the stereotypically masculine as the ‘norm’ and the female, the intersexed person, the trans person, the queer, and the questioning as ‘other’. This is why gay people, trans people and feminists (for example) can quite often be found all working together. However, this is absolutely NOT to say that straight, non-TQI men have no problems – of course they do, and some of these problems might be caused by heteropatriarchy and the pressure and expectations it puts on them.
5. Feminism is a very broad movement, there isn’t a homogenous view shared by all of us. What feminists want and believe in is that women are equal to men, that they are currently treated as second-class citizens, and should be treated as such and that patriarchy should be dismantled. We have different ideas about the timescales and ways in which to solve these problems.
6. As you know, there’s an awful lot of terminology to get your head around. If you make a mistake, don’t worry. Just try again.
7. We love you. As someone sympathetic/allied to feminism, LGBTQIA issues, some combination of those, or all of those, you are putting yourself in the firing line and that is to be applauded and respected. You maybe don’t have to be an ally or a friend, but you are, and that is amazing. Thank you.
I like this a lot.
ReplyDeleteAll I'd add is, if you're not sure, ask. As long as it's a respectful question, most of us don't mind at all. Sometimes we might be tired of explaining, but we'll probably explain later :)