dear united nations..

... this is not ok.

Allies

All the debates around the the 'It Gets Better' project have been really illuminating. The problems with telling people to wait it out are really important ones, and the 'Make It Better' project is, I think, a good response. It points towards collective action to change heterosexist society, instead of just sitting it out until you can assimilate into grown-up life; to not putting up with an oppressive situation or just fitting in as much as you can, but taking action for our own liberation.

'It Gets Better' is trying to create a sense of community, and that's really important, but taking action as a community to improve things is more important still. Sometimes, though, I think we get too focussed on our community in quite a narrow sense – other queers, who 'get it' and live in a similar way. We sometimes fall into the trap of assuming that straight people don't have a place in our fight, like feminists sometimes forget that men have a place in feminism too. But in those high schools, it's not just the job of the LGBTQ kids to band together to make things better, it's also the job of the straight kids to listen to them, to help them, to stick up for them, to not be the bully. That shouldn't even need to be said, but it seems that it does. Those kids weren't to blame for giving up, and the queer community, while it could have done better, isn't to blame either. The people to blame are the bullies and the homophobes.

I like the Gay-Straight Alliance idea that seems to be the basis for LGBTQ groups in high schools in the US. It's community building without being homogenising (although, obviously, I'd probably change the name...), and it speaks to something that, the way I see it, queer politics strives towards – unity in difference. Solidarity across imposed lines.

So, on Coming Out Day, I want to say thanks to my straight allies. These things should be rights, not privileges, and thanks should not be needed - I almost didn't write this, because it feels like acquiescing to some idea that we should be grateful for acceptance, which is obviously bullshit. But allies are exceptional in doing something that should be ordinary, and, in a similar sentiment to IP's last post, I don't take that for granted because many people can't expect it.

It was a straight-identified friend who was the first person, ever, to ask me if I had a preferred pronoun: thanks for being considerate and aware. Another straight friend spent his bank holiday Saturday in August helping out with a protest against homophobic Christians harassing Manchester Pride parade: thanks for taking action. My straight friends in college were really supportive of me being queer: thanks for making coming out so easy.