"Don't let it get to you"

I know it's well-meant. I know people say it to help. But I hate hearing it.

People usually say this to me not when some little thing has happened. Little is when someone parks over the dropped kerb and I have to go a block out of my way to the next dropped kerb. Little is when someone wolf whistles in the street. Little is when there's a problem, but I can deal with it.

Big deals are the ones I can't get round, because it's not dependent on my effort, or because it would take so much effort it would cut short my working day. Big is when there are no toilets in the building I can use (eg, because none are accessible), and I have to just go home. Big is when I have nowhere accessible to work in my workplace. Big is when the pharmacist says "it'll only be a minute" and they have no chairs, and 20 "just one minute"s later you don't know whether you should keep standing with pain shooting up through your tired swollen feet, or should just leave, without your painkillers. Big is when people don't give priority to the wheelchair user, the person with the walking stick, the person carrying a toddler, in lifts and on the bus, and they can't get to where they need. Big is when stuff is scheduled in places without child licenses and wheelchair access and people then shrug and say "some people just never come to these things".

Big is when people talk to me like other people's bigotry is something I "let" happen, or allow to affect me, as if I enjoy these limitations on my life. As if I don't spend hours out of each day trying to find a way around the little things, trying to keep them from becoming big things. As if I don't spend hours out of each day trying to live my life. Also? Having to categorise the shitty behaviour I encounter into "big" and "little", so that other people won't be made uncomfortable hearing me talk about a problem I encountered and how I dealt with it? Is crap.

I know it's well meant, and I am grateful for the people who mean well, and the people who listen when I'm tired and worn. But sometimes, I just wish I didn't have to be grateful for the little cruelties that are packed into the well-meaning words.

--IP

Race Revolt

I've been reading bits of Race Revolt, a zine about race and queerness. Their articles are online, too, go check them out.

good one.

The ballgame

(Well it has been a wee while. Sorry about that. Offline stuff has kept me busy.)

I came across Microaggressions, and now cannot recall where (so hat tips generally). It's a Tublr with a Hollaback-ish feel to it, and the tagline is "Power, privilege, and oppression in everyday life". Anyone can submit a microaggression story.

Example 1:

"Men can’t be raped. If you’re a man you consent by default."

Made me feel isolated.

Example 2:

"Oh, you mean you’re Chinese, right?"

Almost every time someone asks me “What are you?” and I respond “Taiwanese American,” they feel the need to correct my response. Yes, I’m aware of the controversy. But I also know who I am better than you do, so at least give me the right to decide what I am for myself.

Example 3:

“They said she dressed older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s. She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground, some said.”

New York Times about the gang-rape of an 11-year-old girl.

Challenging these "small" things is the ballgame. This is how violence and oppression happen on a day to day level. And campaigns like Microaggression and Hollaback provide an amazing way of talking back to those people, and of drawing attention to them as the the ballgame. Go forth, and read.

--IP